My Beloved Atem
by Jasmin Kaiba
Summary: This is a more chapter story about Tea and Seto getting together.Tea is writing a journal in form of letters for Atem and telling him how everything progreses. Please RxR
1. Chapter 1

**My Beloved Atem**

**by Jasmin Kaiba**

**This chaper is dedicated to my beta Chandeny-hime.**

_**March, 21; a week later**_

"My beloved Atem, is it really a week since you left me? I forgot how to count the hours, I'm unable to tell apart day and night. I'm still asking myself why you left, and I'm still not closer to finding an answer as I was the day you left. Nothing's changed, at least for me. I'm not really going out, the school is the only thing preventing me from being 24/7 in my room. I haven't even spoken to the guys, I just can't do it. They all mean well, but Joey's attempts at cheering me up and Tristan's so called 'comfort' are making it worse. I'm avoiding Yugi, I'm avoiding him like a plague, I just can't look at him, it's too much. I went so far to even change my desk in school. The only free place was next to Kaiba and amazingly he let me sit there without as much as a annoyed look. Maybe he's pittying me too. That's the reason. Why I don't want to see the guys, I mean. Their pity is more then obvious and a bit too much for me to handle.

I miss you terribly. I know that you wanted nothing else but to go to your deserved peace in the world of the dead, to be with all those you once loved, but what's with the people in this time? We loved you and you made it obvious that you loved us, we deserve to be with you as much as your friends from 5000 years ago. Here you had me, a person who loved only you, desired only you and wanted to be with you. If it's true what you said that day, that you love me too, then why did you leave for the dead?

I don't know what to do anymore. For the first time in my life am I totally clueless as to how to await the next day, or even why. My reason for life has dissappeared with you. Don't worry I'm not thinking about killing myself, I don't think my life worthless -yet-, and plain said I'm too much of a chicken to do that. My resaon for living is not there anymore, but I'm sure that there's more to my life then just loving you and being with you, I just have to find it. The problem is I don't know how, and I'm lacking the inspiration.

I'm positive that you're the only one I ever will love, so finding love and thinking about a family of my own is out of question. I don't even think I'll ever dance again. It was a childlish dream. My mother was right of course, dancing may be a fun hobby, but as a choice of carrier it has too many disadvantages then advantages. With my grades from before I could have made it into any collage I wanted, but they're slipping, I just can't concentrate enough to learn.

I fear I'm ruining my future, but I'm helpless to stop it. I don't konw what to do anymore.

Help me, Atem.

Love,

Téa"

**AN: This idea has been hunting me for several weeks and I just had to write it down.**

**This will eventually become Téa & Seto. I realized that this is my first Azureshipping get together, I alyways wrote fics about them already being in love.**

**Wish me like, this is a first-time for me.**

**I hope you liked this first chapter and you find the idae as interesting and unique as my beta Chandeny-hime.**

**Thanks a lot, Chan-chan.**

**Please read and review.**

**The next chapter is going to be dedicated to the first reviewer and all of you who leave a review get a cookie!**

**Love, **

**Jasmin **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chap. 2**

**This chapter is dedicated to **_**journey maker, **_**whose review came first.**

**Cookies to all the others.**

_**March, 23;**_

"Three days, since I last wrote you, I didn't know what to say. I miss you, I miss you, I miss you... I could say it a thousand times and you still won't come back. My life is oddly dull without you, that may be because I stopped hanging out with the guys, I can't face them yet.

I went out with Mai, yesterday. She forced me, before you say anything; you know how Mai can be. We went to the mall... She forced me to buy a whole new wardrobe, tells I'm older and need to look just like that. My father has been very forgiving with me, even gives me more money, without me asking. He told me that the computer I wanted is going to come in a few days. And here I thought he would ground me for life, with my slipping grades. He's worries, I guess, that won't make go out more, though, he can't buy me.

I have so many clothes i don't know where I should put all that. Almost twenty new skirts, five new shorts, ten new pairs of jeans, hundreds of shirts, even five dresses, and all those shoes... I don't need so many clothes... But you try telling Mai that... She forced me to buy everything that looked remotely good on me... She even got me to let a hair-stylist make pink high-lights in my hair, I feel like a freak... And all that chocolate she forced down my throat... I still want to puke when I think about chocolate...

Serenity was there with us too. I know I sound mean, but I cannot stand her whining anymore... Her favorite topic seems to be Kaiba, has a crush on him. That girl is a masochist.

Talking about Kaiba, we saw him in the mall, with Mokuba. That sweet kid spent half an hour trying to cheer me up, then tried to keep Kaiba from strangling Serenity who latched on his arm and wouldn't let go. Even Mai admitted that it was pitiful. Man was Kaiba angry... I don't remember ever seeing him like that, but Serenity still didn't get a clue, says she'll make him fall in love for her. I'd like see her try. Kaiba doesn't strike me like a guy who likes girls like that, you know, without their own mind, without a spine, without a brain, all clingy and dependant. I sound mean... I don't care...

Kaiba snapped at me. I asked him what I did, I didn't do anything, and he asked where I left my brain. Said I acted like a zombie and was plain dumb. I shrugged and he slapped me. I don't know, it doesn't faze me, I just looked at him. Then he realized what he did and started apologizing, as much as Kaiba can apologize. But he cupped the red, stinging cheek and caressed it. It wasn't an unpleasant sensation... I think Serenity turned green.

He left with a hand raised behind him in a wave, Mokuba yelling bye, and trench-coat dramatically swinging. Typical Kaiba.

I think Mai gawked for at least twenty minutes at me, and Serenity sent me death-glares. It looks just strange in the face from such a girl. If that was supposed to scare me, she's mistaken... I stood before the horrible face of Zork and maybe hundreds of other freaky creatures, there's more needed to scare me. She, on the other hand, is scared of a Kuriboh. That explains a lot.

I can't seem to get Kaiba out of my head. What a strange man, I'm going to understand him...

Joey called this morning, asking how I am and demanding to know why Serenity cursed me as got home yesterday. I didn't have the nerves to argue with him and simply told him what happened. He didn't believe me. I called Mai, and had her tell him the whole story again. I almost called Kaiba when he refused to believe Mai, but that girl knows how to make the idiot believe her. Then he asked me why I have Kaiba's number... I don't remember what occasion it was, I only remember him scribbling it on my palm, I think he has mine too, not sure though, I think I scribbled it on his palm, maybe not.

Oh, my cell is ringing; I need to change that song. What ever possessed me to put 'Girlfriend' as my ring-tone, 'When you're gone' sounds better.

I'll write soon, promise.

Love,

Téa"

**AN: Chap. 2 out! What do you think? Don't you love the new Téa, I know I do. So tell me what you think.**

**Chapter dedications like for this one.**

**Love,**

**Jas**


	3. Chapter 3

Chap

**Chap. 3**

_**March, 24;**_

"He did have my number after all. Kaiba I mean. It was him who called last night. It was funny, if not incredibly stupid, talking to Kaiba over a pink cell-phone. I need a new phone, I'll ask Dad.

Now not only talking over a pink phone felt funny, but talking to Kaiba over a phone at all. I never pictured him to be the guy to sit hours on a phone. But what guy does? OK, what guy, aside from Yugi?

The beginning was awkward, to say the least. I was still muttering over the ill chosen ring-tone as I picked up, and didn't even bother to say hello, hell I didn't even look at the id to see who was calling, figuring it would be one of the guys or Mai. Then came the shock, and incredibly deep voice asked if it was Téa and I suppressed the urge to shudder. I somehow answered that I indeed am Téa and heard the same deep voice mutter something about it being the right number. I couldn't identify the voice and had to ask who it was. Then there was a pause, a slight sight and the person on the other hand saying that I've never heard him over the phone, so no wonder. I was preparing to ask again when the voice sighed once again and said, _"It's me, stupid, Kaiba."_

A good part of ten minutes was spent stuttering unsure questions and even more insecure answers when Kaiba suddenly started laughing. He said we behaved like we were lovers who have called each other for the first time and simply didn't know what to say. That put us both at ease and the conversation that issued was much better. We talked about school, the teachers, the cafeteria food and he asked about my slipping grades. I didn't really know what to answer and he told me to think what I want to do with myself in ten years. When I replayed that I don't really think I would want anything in ten years, he yelled at me. He somehow made it clear to me that you're dead, but I'm still here, I still live and that I need to go on, that clinging to a memory would kill me and that you wouldn't me to ruin my life because of you. He told me that he knows what it's like to lose a beloved person, but that there are still others who need me, like there was Mokuba who needed him after the death of their parents. He said that I was the one really holding the 'gang of misfits', as he calls us together, and that 'the dog', Joey, 'the midget', Yugi and 'the point-head', Tristan, suffer from losing you as much as I do and we all need each other, it's not OK to shut yourself off from people who care about you when you're in pain.

I never thought Kaiba would be so...so...so _wise_... I feel a lot better since we had that little talk. He made me promise to talk to the guys and I did it. Today I called Yugi and asked him to tell the boys to come to the Turtle Game Shop. They all came, including Duke, who was back in town since a few days, Mai, Serenity, and the Ishtars who were at the museum for a few weeks, preparing a new exhibition and oddly the Kaiba brothers, too. Yugi just said that we're all friends and Joey didn't remark anything about Kaiba being there, probably because Serenity looked ecstatic. We all sat down and we talked, about you, about ourselves, about what we feel. Kaiba mostly stood on the side-lines, listening and sometimes throwing his two cents worth in. It felt good to talk about it all. I was afraid at first, to hear how the guys were coping up with your death, assuming that they didn't feel anything at all. I was wrong, Yugi suffers as much as I do, Joey still tries to understand how it is that you're not there anymore, Tristan, Duke and the others try to understand our pain, even if they don't suffer half as much as we do. Once again, we're a big happy family. And all that thanks to Seto Kaiba.

I'm feeling much better, almost as if my energy has returned to me. I'm ready to face the world again.

Ah, Kaiba is calling again. I put 'Call me when you're sober' as the ring-tone when he calls.

I'll talk to you later, I love you,

Téa"

**AN: Sorry that it was so long since I last updated. I have started with chapter a long time ago, but I didn't have the inspiration to finish it.**

**So, did anyone notice the change in Téa, this chapter?**

**Tell me what you think,**

**Jas**


	4. Author's Notice

**I am very sorry that I haven't updated in over four months, but take a writer's block add to it some dislike for the story and you have an author unwilling to write. But I'd really like to continue this story, I have new ideas and I believe that it could be a chance if you'd give me a new chance.**

**As it is I have a bunch of stories that haven't been updated in ages, so I'm letting you readers decide. Visit my profile page and vote for this story on the poll if you want to see it continued.**

**Thank you,**

**Jasmin Kaiba**


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